i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
