She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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