im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
