youre lurking in front of me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
