What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
