is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
