Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's always time for handjobs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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