i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
