So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize