remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
