I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
