Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize