From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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