why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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