Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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