Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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