There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
