now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
