u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
