Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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