he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize