drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
