saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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