So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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