There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
