Dual....:-)
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
