Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
