My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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