It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
