I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
