I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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