I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
