I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
