oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no, he came in my armpit
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
