I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
