I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
