Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
