don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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