I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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