his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
