The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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