mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
