You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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