3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
