You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
