I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There r osticjed everywhere
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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