pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
