Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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