so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
