Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
