she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
