I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
