Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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