It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
