I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
