PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
