Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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