Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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