What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
