i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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