you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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