sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize