Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to sanitize my soul.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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