Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
