you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
