I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
