The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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