put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
