My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
