Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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