He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
