so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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